Fozzer Wozzer Was A Bear Fozzer Wozzer had no hair (fozzer) wrote in woodrepublic,
Fozzer Wozzer Was A Bear Fozzer Wozzer had no hair
fozzer
woodrepublic

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legolas is such a good friend

i bid frodo and samwise namarie as i walked out the door to see legolas. i think fro and sam are going to be running some errands today, so look out community members :). down the road i walked in fair wood republic. what a lovely day. the bird were singing, the sun was shining, and there was me in my victoria's secret miracle bra, my pink and white picnic blanket looking top tied at the waist, little white shorts, cute sandals, and my hair back in two braids. (as you can tell, i'm not out to do my chores. i have other duties to focus on today.) i have with me a packed basket of fresh baked goods that made after this mornings relaxing bath. i walk up to legolas's door and knock, but no answer. so i head out to the back yard, where he is practicing his archery.

"hello legolas. good morning," i said. i guess his super elf hearing wasn't in working order that morning, for i caught him by surprised. he shot an arrow up into the sky, far away from his target, which had the name gimli on it.

"hello fozzer," he said as the sound of something crashing came from the trees. "how are you fairing this fine day?" he asked as he bent over and kissed my hand.

"it is fairing quite well, thank you," i replied. and he could tell i was in high spirits, for not only was my light red mouth smiling, my eyes were too. "i brought you some fresh baked goods that i made this morning. thought you could use them after your..." i looked at the bow and his target. "...workout."

"thank you fozzer. that is very thoughtful of you," he said. he leaned over to give me a thank you kiss on the cheek. "would you like a try on my bow?" he asked, holding the long bow out towards me.

"i would love a go, but i came in need of advice," i said.

"ask away then," he said as he turned me towards the target, which was apparently gimli's. i guess he was going to help me with my inquiries and my lack of skill with his bow. he placed the bow in my hands and pulled an arrow out for me.

"well," i said as he pulled me close, "i was working on the hobbits hair today and they've got a bad case of the frizzies. you are notorious for your lovely managable hair. what do you use?" he positioned the bow and arrow in my hands.

"grab the bow hard," he said in my ear, putting my hand on his bow. "and pull this end tight and fast," he said pulling my arm back. he had me right up against his body. i felt something poking me slightly. i think it was his belt. "i owe my golden shiny locks to gandalf," he said. we eyed up the target, aiming for gimli's name which was at the bullseye. "now let go with this hand." we let go of the arrow and it shot to the g spot of the target.

i turned around and said, "gandalf? but his hair looks like shit!" i said, surprised.

"of course it does. have you noticed how all the boys and girls want to make his hair look pretty?" he asked while pulling out another arrow. i smiled knowingly, realizing that gandalf's "dirty" look was just a ploy to bring in the "attention" of others wanting to "groom" him. "gandalf has a great hair gel. you should see him for the poor hobbits. but later please. i'm enjoying your company and would like to continue our target practice. i see we hit the g spot well." he said, pulling me back in for more.

"why, that clever wizard! he never ceases to amaze me. thank you for the information. i will visit him. later." legolas positioned my hands once again.

"now remember. grab this part hard and pull this end quickly. then release," legolas instructed. this went on for about 2 hours. he's such a great teacher. he taught me so many tricks for his bow and arrows. he invited me over again for next time. what a sweet guy. very generous, too. i would have stayed there all day, but i had a need to see gandalf for my frizzy hobbit friends. :D
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